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Fear and Trembling

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There is no Heaven on Earth, and there never will be. Every action we perform hurts someone or something else. Every moment spent alive marks a moment in which an individual harms another being. Even death does not provide a way out of this: your loved ones will be heartbroken; you will have harmed yourself, and the emotional pain caused to others by suicide is incalculable, meaning that it absolutely cannot be measured or quantified. All attempts to minimize the suffering one causes, while “noble” and “well-intentioned,” are never enough.

This world is fundamentally flawed and must have been created by an inferior being. Is this being worthy of worship? Perhaps for utilitarian purposes. However, this being created the cruelty we see in the world. Violent forces propel evolution. Innocent fawns die in forest fires. While there may be a God behind the god who created us (and who we have likewise created in our hearts), this God cannot be known as this God caused what it means “to know” and lies “above” understanding.

This is not a very “Catholic” post. My apologies to orthodox-leaning readers. I still believe in the Church and Jesus, but these are my doubts about life and everything. Perhaps someday we will dream poppy dreams together in unity and glide right between the man and the beast. However, why should this be hoped for? A finite, non-cyclical universe is one of perpetual slavery to time and decay. If the Forms do not appear again and again, there is no immortality, no freedom, no life everlasting because no one or thing will exist to experience knowledge of the forms through observations of the Forms’ particular manifestations. If “I” could find salvation, it would not last. And if it did, it would be even more of a prison than this wretched, awful, shameful life we all share.

Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. – Philippians 2:12


Written by KarlH

August 7, 2013 at 4:14 am


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  • Thoughts on becoming Catholic (about one and a half years later):

    •  It is really difficult getting to church every Sunday (and especially so during the week), let alone once a month, after I received confirmation. It’s hard to imagine that my family was at church 2-5 days a week, whether volunteering, taking part in social events and activities, etc.
    •  I feel lazy about my participation in Catholicism and disappointed at my own disappointment concerning the quality of sermons. On the other hand, I rarely leave Mass without feeling unmoved in some way.
    •  It is rare to encounter Catholics in my state who don’t support gay marriage.
    •  Not having to deal with Young Earthers is a fantastic benefit to becoming Catholic.
    •  It’s very cool that my last church worked with Tibetan refugees (the city I was in is one of the largest migration areas for Tibetan refugees in America) and my current one participates with the local synagogue. This sort of reasonable bheavior is alien to past experiences.
    •  I still don’t buy into the commonly held soteriological perspectives: I can see no lasting salvation, no permanence save through repetition and the display of universal ideas, and everlasting joy, fear, and trembling with the gift of the Beatific Vision given, perhaps, as a blissful glance at the Source—there, in the corner of one’s eye, an object of lust appears, and we fall back down again to greet it.
    •  Chesterton is right. The Church is bigger on the inside. (Or was it the Doctor who said that)?


Written by KarlH

July 25, 2013 at 4:23 am